I am in so much pain right now… but I am so happy today it feels like the best day of my life I saw another oncologist today… the one that treated me when I had breast cancer. Although nothing has changed in my body, she talked to me about the options I have and gave me back that little spark of hope that I was losing
My diagnosis from the hospital was “Cancer until proven otherwise.”. Well my oncologist says instead to change this diagnosis to “NOT cancer until we prove it is”. Wow, what a big change that is just flipping those words around! She is still worried about the spot on my rib and my pain… but she has a plan and that plan is all I needed to get the little spark of hope in my heart..
She has me scheduled for a PET scan that will show if there is any cancer activity anywhere else in my body, she also scheduled a needle biopsy. The other doctors said the needle biopsy wouldn’t be possible, but my oncologist today said “Well lets try it” If that doesn’t work we can do the bone biopsy that is more invasive but even that she said wouldn’t be as bad as they made it out to be in comparison to what I’ve been through before.
She even said if it turns out to be cancer that this is highly treatable, and NOT a death sentence. She said I would still get to see Isadora grow up. Now knowing that no matter what I could see her graduate college and get married.. Oh I sooo needed to hear those words! She said maybe I wouldn’t make it to be 80 or 90, but I could go on to live a good life and DO GREAT THINGS. She sure is onto something because right now I feel like I got yet another chance in this life, so I better do great things with it…
I jokingly said that I was telling Isadora she could get married when she is 30… Now I will change it to 21. That means 12 more years i have to make it … I sure can do that with or without cancer So I will be around 50… If I make it that far it’s all I need. Anything over… that is a just bonus Everybody laughed, but like I said before.. I gotta keep my sense of humor during this time.
I left that office so happy today, I could go outside and tell even a stranger… LET ME TELL YOU A GOOD NEWS…. I MIGHT NOT HAVE CANCER in my body… I might not have it! I can’t tell you how much hope this gives me and how happy I am today.
Thank you so so much for all your prayers and support… I know my body is the same as it was before, but I feel so much more hopeful now. I think the PET scan and needle biopsy will be scheduled later on this week or early next week. I will update everybody when I have more information to share.
So today, despite the pain that I am in, I am the happiest woman in the whole wide world. So happy that I MIGHT NOT HAVE cancer, and happy that even if I do I will be able to make it for a few good years. Amazing how I can find so much happiness and hope in seeing that tiny, tiny light at the end of the tunnel..
Just like a little flower comes to life as spring is coming our way, that’s how I feel today. The flower may have to survive harsh winds, and heavy rains in order to come out of the bud and become the beautiful flower we see. That’s how I see my life today… I went through harsh winds, heavy rains and days when I just prayed to make it another minute and not lose hope. But now… even if for a short time, I am able to bloom and enjoy my life just as it is with its ups and downs.
I’m so very grateful for all your words of encouragements.. for the many cards and flowers and little gifts so many of you send for me and Isadora… we both feel so loved.. so surrounded by amazing people all over the world… I can’t tell you how much I love each one of you.. how much I love life..
If I come to life with this little hope and feel like I can do wonders… Imagine when I will know more and have more hope… I will indeed do GREAT THINGS!!!
Going to bed tonight soooo happy… a happiness I haven’t experienced in a LONG LONG TIME… in a lot of pain still, BUT SOOO HAPPY!!!