I don’t consider myself a good writer, given English is my second language, and I wish I would develop a passion for writing as I have so many life stories would love to share with you.. But even though I am not the greatest writer.. I love to tell stories.. I wanted to share with you a little about the my pictures, about the behind the scenes when I take the pictures and I these series of pictures because it relates to a great story I read over the summer in a book.
The book is called “The dark side of the light chasers” and the author “Debbie Ford believes that we each hold within us a trace of every human characteristic that exists, the capacity for every human emotion. We are born with the ability to express this entire spectrum of characteristics. But, Ford points out, our families and our society send us strong messages about which ones are good and bad. So when certain impulses arise, we deny them instead of confronting them, giving them a healthy voice, then letting them go. It is to these feelings that Ford turns our attention, these parts of our selves that don’t fit the personae we have created for the rest of the world. She shows us the effects of living in the dark, of keeping all our supposedly unsavory impulses under wraps. We find ourselves disproportionately frustrated and angry at the selfishness of friends, the laziness of colleagues, the arrogance of siblings. When we are unable to reconcile similar impulses in ourselves, Ford explains, we waste our own energy judging others instead of empathizing. But most important, we deny ourselves the power and freedom of living authentically. Through the stories and exercises in The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford shows us not only how to recognize our hidden emotions, but also how to find the gifts they offer us. The very impulses we most fear may be the key to what is lacking in our lives. ” ( Description from Amazon)
I have read a lot of books but this book gave me so much more freedom to accept myself as a whole… to not try to blame myself for anything negative that happened in my life.. or for anything that I might label that is not worthy to be part of me.. It was quite a shocking and daring experience to read the book.. look at my life and admit that I am not perfect.. and to take a close look at all those negative things that I am trying to deny that I am and rather embrase them, admit that yes those are or were part of me and look at how they have helped me to become the person that I am today. But as uncomfortable as that was.. it helped me so much more to embrase the whole person that Lidia is… As one of my favorite quotes says ” I’d rather be whole than good.” And it feels soooo good to be at least on the journey to be whole!!!
There is one particular story from this book that will always be stuck in my memory and I think it will help so many of you to just accept who you are today, no matter what those voices inside your head might lie to you that you are just not good enough… “One day, tiwn boys went off with their grandfather on an outing. They walked through the woods until they came upon an old barn. When the boys and their grandfather stepped inside to explore, one of the boys immediately started complaining: “Grampa, let’s get out of here. This old barn stinks like horse manure. ” The boy stood near the door, angry because he now had manure on his new shoes. Before the old man could respond he saw his other grandson running happily through the barn’s many stalls. “What are you looking for?” he asked the second little boy. ” Why are you so happy?” the boy looked up and said, “WITH ALL THAT HORSE MANURE IN HERE THERE MUST BE A PONY SOMEWHERE.”
And that is the same with each one of us… As much as we blame ourselves and look at the many mistakes we have made, we look at how flawed and imperfect we are… it’s so easy to loose hope… but remember there must be a great an amazing person behind all those not so good things we tell ourselves we are..
While talking this pictures of Isadora and after coming home and after I processed them I could not stop and think about this story and how perfectly the pictures fit with the story.. You see … everybody always comments on my pictures that I have the best locations around me, that the places in my pictures look magical.. but honestly if I was to photograph the places I take the pictures… there is nothing magical or glamorous about none of my locations. Most people would pass by those places day in and day out and would not see the beauty behind those places. ”We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are” (the talmud). I don’t like in a magical corner of the world where everywhere I walk there are fields of flowers and beautiful skies. My locations are full of mud, many times there is a lot of garbage on the ground… you can see my shoes and Isadora’s shoes how they were at the end of the photo shoot.. but I see behind all that.. I see the beauty in the sky, against the green grass, I see the very little patch of flowers how they choose to still be beautiful even though they are in an abandoned and forgotten field, I see the beauty in nature.
And yes… my pictures don’t come out looking full of life, full of color straight out of the camera. I do come home and let those pictures speak to my soul and just like a painter would dip his brush and start painting his canvas, that’s what I do with the help of technology in Photoshop. Many would argue that is not natural, that is too processed.. and maybe they are right.. but again we don’t see things the same… I bring pictures to life, I let them be bright and full of color to tell a story… A story about life.. A story of always remembering that despite all the hardships life throughs our way… there is always “PONY” in there somewhere…