My outside appearance might change, you might claim my hair like you did before and my eyelashes and my eyebrows…. But the spark of hope in my eyes will be hard to steal. I know everybody hates you, and everybody says let’s kick cancer’s butt. And at first I hated you, too. I was so determined to make you my enemy… to fight hard until we have a winner and of course in my mind I wanted to be the winner.
But than I stopped for a second and looked back at what I learned from our first encounter.You took away everything that makes me a woman, and left my body with many scars. I thought for a very long time that you were a thief until one day I realized that you gave me many more things in my life than you took….
You gave me the joy of living my life in the present, you gave me the passion to live each day as it was my last, you gave me the compassion to share with others going through trials, you gave me a good understanding of how to set my priorities in life, you gave me peace in my heart that I never had before. You gave me plenty of time to rest my body and I was able to use that time to teach myself photography which happened to be a huge passion of mine that I had given up because I didn’t see it possible to pursue it before you. You gave me the ability to forgive people that hurt me deeply and not hold grudges. You gave me time to spend with my daughter and explain to her very hard concepts about life. You gave me patience when my daughter spills something, or makes a mess and taught me not be upset at her for messing up my all perfect home. You gave me the ability to leave the perfectionist Lidia behind and to enjoy life as if comes with it’s perfect and not so perfect moments… And you have me so many other things that I don’t think I could have learned in a lifetime.
I know the pain, the tears, the fear you bring along are hard to deal with but I am the strong woman I am today because of our first encounter together. I screamed and kicked and had a pity party at first thinking why me? Why me?… But after a while I surrendered and said WHY NOT ME? Despite your ugliness and what you did to my body you made my soul shine so bright that others can see the light and get inspired and shine their own light in their own corner of the world.
So even though I wish you would have come in my life at a more convenient time ( I mean you see I am a pretty busy woman , I have things to do) i trust that everything happens for a reason and I am here… ready to learn more things and let my soul shine even brighter than before. It’s hard to call you my friend but I do tell everybody that cancer was the best thing that happened in my life…. So in a way there is this love hate relationship between you and I..
My humble self that decided to see cancer not as a tragedy but as an opportunity to learn new things, and to live each day as if it was the last day of her life..