Most of you that follow me have probably read last week, that after 6 years of been cancer free… the bone tests, MRI and Cat scan show a tumor in one of my ribs, meaning that I have relapsed. I found this out about a week ago. The first time I had cancer I knew that at least I can fight it and be cured… this time the fear that the cancer can’t be cured only is sure a whole different fear I have to conquer. We have not done that biopsy yet to be 100% sure… The biopsy is very invasive and it’s in a dangerous spot and my lung can easily be punctured so the doctors chose to wait for bit. But the radiologist agrees that this looks like a tumor rather than a trauma to the bone.
I am on very strong pain patches and pain pills to keep the pain level down and even with that I have days when the pain is so intense. On days when things don’t make sense… when I am alone with just myself and my thoughts… I have quotes like this one that encourage my heart…
I know many of you are going through different problems… some harder than mine, some the same as mine.. I hope this quote will help you on those days when you just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is a day when I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel so I wanted to share this with everybody.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I don’t know what this week or year will bring. But I do know that even though so very tired and in pain and can hardly eat anything.. Today I am ALIVE. Today I have EVERYTHING I NEED. I have my daughter close to me. I am home and not in the hospital. And I am so happy to for these little things.
Isadora whispered to me the other day, “Mama I am so glad you are home and not in the hospital. I wish I was sick cause you could take care of me at least”. That breaks my heart as a mom… to hear my 8 year old have to grow up so fast and to explain to her things that are hard for us as adults to understand. But again I have to remind myself, today she is with me and I have everything I need. It’s hard to let my mind stay present and take it one day at a time, but that is the only way to keep sane and not loose hope. To remember that for now… I might have not received anything from what I asked from God, but I received everything I needed…and THAT’S ENOUGH.
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brains to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life.
Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.
I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed.